Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
