I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
