he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
