I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
