I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
