moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
