So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am one with the molecules
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
