I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
