Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
