You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My ass is underappreciated
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
