Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
where does the pee come out of this thing
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
