When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
