after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
