I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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