I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
