he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
