If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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