Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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