At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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