Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
