Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
