I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
