He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
