i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
