i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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