at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
