just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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