I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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