3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
