we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
