Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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