sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
