we have pet lesbian snakes
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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