one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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