well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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