Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
