covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
