Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
