the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
