Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
