I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
