The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He better not be in your backpack
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
