:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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