have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
