Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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