he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
