I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
