How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
