I hate all girls vehemently.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
