good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
