I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
