Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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