We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
