Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
