i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it's not cheating when I paid for it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
